I’ve mentored extensively. I’ve had mentors.

A mentor is someone who has experience and/or expertise the mentee desires to learn, can benefit from and each are amenable to said learning.
That’s it. Don’t make it more complicated than that.
Each retains their own – mutually respectful – agency throughout.

Mentor-mentee is not master-slave by any means, for any reason.
(If the relationship enters that zone, you’ve got an emotionally sick mentor: get out.)

Mentor-mentee is not a precursor – foreplay if you will – to a romantic relationship.
(If the relationship enters that zone, you’ve got an emotionally sick mentor and possibly also mentee: get out.)

Mentor-mentee is also not a friendship.
Can a mentor-mentee relationship turn into a friendship over time?
Possibly … again, if both are amenable and that same respect is PURPOSELY embedded into the new friendship.

If either party is in a rush to turn a mentor-mentee situation into a friendship: again, get out, they’re emotionally sick.
(I’ve experienced that particular issue quite a bit in the distant past while in my mentor role with requesters: that and upstaging attempts were root causes of the *few* failed situations.)

Normally, later, after the mentee has grown into their own understanding independent of the mentor: the mentee may desire to ‘seed’ an essentially new relationship – a friendship – from the time shared with their mentor. That can go very well: if both enter such together, willingly. (I have a rare number of friends who were mentors to me: I still respect & cherish them. Some in my past were mentors only, as it should be. I wish them well.)

The handful of times I’ve been mentored: I’ve always found ways of my own accord to return value back to the mentor.
Why? Because I’m not pathetic* … I sought no handout (see below post).
When each mentor-mentee situation parted ways, each left with a (voiced) sense of satisfaction, balance & good will.
A good mentor can be invaluable at key transition points in life.

Choose well, each.

(Being a mentor is one way of ‘pushing open a door’.)

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Not helping

While this seems self-evident to me: it’s clearly not.

Some people who harass or threaten (menace) may delude themselves into thinking they’re helping (and/or giving back). They take a natural human wellspring (wanting to contribute) and manifest it in deformed ways.

Absymally poor judgment*. Severe attenuation*.


For the record:
Menace is different from malice.
Cruelty is a signature of malice stemming from revenge* – see post ‘about MB’.
Mitigate malice from humankind. We humans will deal with a more persistent issue of menace, due to the above.

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Some individuals apparently have no idea where they leave off and others begin.

After observing (each of them, both male and female), it’s noteworthy that no problem behaviors are given to the males around them:  so we’ll go with the theory that it’s an issue of their own personal miniscule ideas of what women “should” do. Folks of that ilk: you don’t get to decide another adult’s life (unless they surrender it to you).

Unsurrendered.* (Permanently unsurrendered. Don’t bother to apply.)

Desist in trying to shove your head up my *ss and get some professional help: because your boundaries are way out of line. If you persist, understand you are inviting harm. Good luck with that.

See blog post ‘fighter’*

Steady on

Behind the scenes, I take a tremendous amount of unnecessary emotional schrapnel: daily in waves when I’m doing great or new stuff in the world (which is the vast majority of the time). (Most of it comes from swimming upstream against conundrum*.) I handle it. Capable people who have been trained and/or mentored by me or collaborate with me: when they get in view of a bit of it, are usually aghast.
As one multi-billionaire used to say ‘big work comes with big problems: plan on it’.
I’m seasoned. I know this too shall pass. I achieve the great results I intend to.

Schrapnel often comes from folks who have gotten just a little more power than they normally have and are using a single new scenario to vent all of their inner garbage while they flex whatever muscles they have in the situation. When they have poor judgment* as well, their bandwidth* lack keeps them from seeing what’s really going on as they make least effective decisions with reputably bad results. Collaboration* goes AWOL because they render themselves incapable of it. Ego keeps them from asking questions (never mind perceptive questions) and from achieving empathy*. And, in the midst of it all, they’re “right”.  (see ‘gear monkey*’ post, to start, for more on that …)

Folks: as we get back on track as a country and globally … hold your professionalism all the time (or take yourself away for a break to collect yourself and come back to the matter at hand), shelve any ego dance (contempt, projection, being punitive, condescension, upstaging, needing to be right etc) and ask the questions. Apologize when you’re in error & re-engage for the solution at hand. Listen carefully. Don’t assign others your emotional schrapnel: keep your explosions to yourself (search words ‘emotional intelligence’ ‘emotional labor’). Remember: there’s pretty much always more than one way up any mountain – and just because it differs from your approach doesn’t in any way make it “wrong”. Remember too: for business and community basics: it doesn’t matter how you feel about the other personyou don’t have to like them – ‘approve’ of them – to be professional. Empathy every single time … that’s a fellow human being you’re dealing with … any human can relate to all the feelings we have, even if the experiences that brought the feelings to each differ to degrees of life span – exposure – and learnings. Be gracious & give-to-meet at any point you can: if it does no harm to anybody and supports a bigger sense of community. Give people what they need to win. Understand what you can about it yet don’t get stuck – mired – in the minutia. Step up and handle things: the more accountable you are, the more competent you become. Have each other’s back. Calm any inner war: be at peace. Steady on.



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Inquiring minds …

When somebody interviews for a “futurist” job …

How do they check their references?

Via DeLorean, wormhole or ?

(I’ve sat in a DeLorean. Fun. Cool doors. Thought they’d need a shoe horn to get me out.)

More class time

Admiring the gentle fall orange seeping slowly across the edge of the bog, joining the vibrant red weavings into green: I watched a couple groups of ducks et al in a protected conversation area.

One set, a mixed group of young & old, various types of ducks: were eagerly feeding near the edge of land.
Ducks from the other group would waddle-scoot over to join as they saw fit.
Many of this year’s young were in this group … feeding a naturally voracious appetite both in need to store and for growth.

The other group, perhaps 30 feet away tops, appeared to be more calm. Still ducks of several types: some groomed themselves leisurely yet carefully, others stood silently at ease on hassocks or stretched their wings. All ducks were silent. A peaceful yet purposeful time of ease.

A bit later … something that appeared for all the world like a bread crumb walked up the wooden post I sat next to. I thought it was an ant carrying a bread crumb but no – little beige legs carried the somewhat-jagged beige body (a bit smaller than a pencil eraser) silently up the wood. No discernable head or tail. I offered an edge of a hand, gently, to see its reaction: it checked out my hand with its front little beige legs, back off non-quickly and kept going. (A tiny red spider sped past it, the hare on fire compared to the tortoise.) I touched it again, carefully: the small bread crumb sat down and became still, waiting for me to give up and go away. And, respectfully, I did. I went on my merry way.

Labor and conundrum

If you don’t want to cause emotional labor:

Don’t create conundrum for others.

Tell the women around you “I stand for you having a great life of your own choosing”.
If you mean it, you can reap dividends you probably never saw possible.